Idea #2: Need Less, Redux 2.0

So there were two things I was going to write about last time, but I kind of got bored with myself and had to stop.  But the second one has been lingering around the edges and refusing to leave me alone, so finally, here follows more of me on Needing Less.

As I had mentioned, a friend had talked about how tired he is of his discontent, and how annoying it is that no amount of consumption seems to take the edge off said discontent and in fact, somehow seems to fuel it. 

This is the math at the heart of our economic structure: Earning --> Consumption = Stuff = Disappointment = Need to Earn More = More Consumption = Greater Disappointment = (insert infinity here). 

It's bad math, obviously.  Lots of studies like this one have shown that affluence and its attendant accumulation of stuff leads to depression and drug use in teenagers.  Earning more money generally requires time devoted to the earning of said money which generally requires time away from the people who give us pleasure and the things we've purchased with the money we earned to buy them.  It's actually most surprising that given how obviously stupid and backward it is, we all continue to participate in such a dumb system.  And yet...

And yet.

We all feel powerless to do otherwise, don't we? I can't really think of a way to undo our participation in it all - we do after all need somewhere to live, to say nothing of food to eat and perhaps an option or two for transportation. Opting out is unlikely.

But participating aware.  What if we did that? What if we undid the part of the equation where we add up a bunch stuff and wait for it to equal contentment?  What if we just stopped the math for a moment or two and wondered if maybe we already had what we needed?

What if we decided instead that we would only add to our lives things and people that leave us ...grateful?

Grateful.  Full of gratitude.

Not resentment. Not guilt.  Not ill-will or jealousy or dissatisfaction.

We have a boat. We have kept a boat through low income and infant babies and my inability to figure out how to dock it because we are certain that the cost is more than outweighed by the benefit of having a reason to be together, to learn new things, to explore, to meet people, to see our favourite part of this creation.

Last week we went to a social event with some other boat owners and it was so fun.  So much fun. I left feeling so thankful for being in a world I would have never known had it not been for my sweet sailing husband, so thankful that I get to meet so many other young families who think being together in damp, cramped corners and trying to anchor without tossing a spouse overboard is the stuff Good Life is made of.

But there was a moment or two when the joy could have been stolen. When I heard about one woman's much newer, bigger boat.  When I realized that one woman was so much braver than me, being crew for her husband racing.  When I realized that I was the only one who would have to have someone "catch" at the ladies' cruise...

But friends, Hell NO! I will not let guilt and jealousy and covetousness steal Joy! and Life! and Awesome! from me. I will not allow ourselves to believe that newer and bigger and better justifies giving up more of our life to earn more money to have more than we have so that I can....  so that I can what?  Feel better? Ha. I know the math and I know that's not how it works. Better is now. Better is already here. And if I'm not careful, Better ends up way behind me.

So I will need less.  Need. Less.  And then live with profound gratitude that what little I need has been provided so easily and that in fact, I live with more than I need most days.  And I will dance in thankfulness and insist that my husband dance with me and we will dance so often and so happily that we won't see the other guy's better sails or swishily kept bottom paint... we'll just keep on dancing in gratitude damnit.

In the new math, Contentment comes when we focus on Needing Less instead of on Wanting More. Rest comes when our eyes rest on that which makes us grateful.  Should a thing in your life bring you anything less than gratitude, give it away and let it distract you no more.  Life only with the things that make you thankful.

That's where contentment lies, I'm certain.

IDEA #2 (again!) Response: 
What do have that sometimes threatens to make you Want More and forget to Need Less? 

Idea #2: Need Less, Redux

I should own almost all of these.

When this post was first written, it was the one that got us to Pay Cash.  It is the one idea that has stuck, that keeps the Occupy Movement top of mind for me most days. It has created a daily reminder of our limits. It is also a daily No Thanks to the banks and their fees and their not-so-great corporate structures that create a lot of not-so-goodness in our world. I like paying cash, a lot.

However, the title... the title haunts me.  Need Less.  I'm not sure that we need less yet. Certainly we don't want any less.

Two things are making me extra thoughtful about this this week. One was a post by my friend Rory where he differentiated between having a social conscience and doing social justice. The other was a conversation with a friend about how useless consuming is to fend off discontent. (I realize by the end of this post that I can't do the second part, so I don't, so probably that will be next week's effort... maybe.)

By Rory's definition, the ideas that I've come up with here are, for all intents and purposes, merely the outcome of a social conscience and while sweet and thought-provoking, they are ultimately useless (I should clarify here, Rory didn't actually say this - I am wondering if I think this after reading what he's written). Social justice on the other hand, is the part that actually matters, that actually ends with something different and new and Socially Good.

The thing is, I've done a bit of the social justice gig - I've put my body where my mouth is, and I've walked the walk and (insert cliche about not just talking here).  And while that was good and right in the moment, and while there is probably somewhere in the great state of New Jersey, something a bit different or new or Socially Good to show for my efforts, there is very little of it.  Now of course, that probably speaks mostly to my own personal  ineffectiveness and not to the global worthiness of pursuing Social Justice. 

And yet. 

And yet, as I think about the great Social Justicers of our time - how much better and different and new is anything? True, black men and women can vote in the United States now, and eat at any lunch counter they want.  But is Dr. King's dream realized? not so much if you read up on prison stats, or poverty stats or any other quality of life statistic. I could go on and on about the Great Fails of Social Justice, just because today, despite the best efforts of so many, the world remains so deeply, truly, appallingly Injust.

This sounds a wee bit cynical eh?

But less than you think - because I think one thing I need less of these days is success.  Less success at getting it right, less success at creating justice, less success at making a difference.  Success for me must remain a distance away I think.  Having a social conscience? it's less pressure. Maybe I'm a cheater - in fact, it's likely.  But the goal for me can not be to Succeed and Change The World.  It remains only to change me a tiny bit. Small acts in a slightly new direction will have to be enough.  I can't help but think that if there are enough of them, they might create some kind of critical mass that looks like Real Change this side of heaven that would be worthwhile.

Needing Less.  Less Success.  That's what I'm thinking about today.  Needing less success makes it easier not to quit oddly enough.

And you? three months after the initial Need Less post, what are you needing less of?

An Observation (vi)

So that Christmas was something huh?

Christmas was what Christmas is: full and busy and contradictory and painful and wonderful and sometimes even joyful. It was family and friends and food and outrageous demands borne of outrageous expectation that is beautifully enough, borne of The Hope that started the whole thing.

That we all join in and do it over again in another year is testament to the Goodness that must lurk at its centre, surely.

The New Year has begun with a bang for my little occupied family and so we will call this (Pre)Occupied 2012, where we see what of our occupied living can survive the stormy seas that are our life for the foreseeable future. Because most certainly this much is true: true change is only that which remains changed through every season.  It is easy enough to be People Over Profit and fix instead of replace and take an extra three hours to shop locally in independent stores to get a week's worth of groceries when life is otherwise possible.

But when life takes a turn for the Impossible as sometimes it does, the unnecessary and unlikely are quick to be dropped in favour of the I Guess I Cans.  So far, we can still pay cash. We can still choose the preferred grocery vendors. We can tip well and be kind to workers doing work we would prefer not to do. We'll see about the rest.

I'm not sure what that means for writing here. I have commissioned the Occupied Investing post and hope to have it here soon.  I don't know what it will say, but I won't lie: I really liked my introduction for it. I am also planning to continue my revisiting of the original ten or eleven ideas to see how they're working out a few months later.

If you have any other ideas, please send them. Oh, and this: please send your own stories of Occupy You and maybe we can post those? If you don't have my inbox deets, leave a comment and I'll track you down to send them.  I'd love to have a few other versions to read of this story.

(Pre)Occupy Me.

An Observation (v)

So the friend who sometimes reads the blog wrong and has been mentioned before emailed last week because she bought a Christmas tree.  Initially she said, she was getting it wrong, feeling all guilty and wrong for spending money on a tree. Then she looked around. She saw she was on a family farm. She saw her own family being together and sipping hot chocolate and choosing each other over the Cheapest, Fastest, Easiest.  She saw: she had Peopled over Profiting. 

She's been Occupied.

Living Occupied isn't about not spending money. It isn't about not being rich. It isn't about feeling guilty for the life we find ourselves living.  It isn't about what we do.

It is about Who We Are.

Living Occupied is a life where people take precedence. Where we live mindful of others - of their hearts and their lives.  Where we use our influence and affluence, not for a "greater good" but for another's good.

Enough of being greater. Enough of being better. Enough of trying harder. Enough of Me.

My friend got it.  She had the moment where seeing that Others were the beneficiaries of her time and effort and yes, even money - that's the point. The wonder of it is of course, that so often another's benefit ends up being our benefit too.  But only in that order.  It is a lie we tell ourselves when we suggest that acting in our own benefit benefits others.  Not in any way that matters.  But choosing to consider The Others Too and Maybe Even First?

Therein is our salvation.

Occupied R.  Occupied Me. 

Idea #12: Create a Sabbath Day

Okay, I know I said I was done with ideas, but then today I tripped across this one in my day and ended up obsessing over it dwelling on it for a while and decided I ought to add it to the list.  And as an aside, I've found someone who is willing to guest-write the post about Occupied Investing, so watch for that soon!

Right, but back to me. Or at least me's new idea.

Create a Sabbath. 

So this morning, on my way to church (alone - the kids are both sick but I was this week's Sunday School "teacher" so off I went) I realized I needed gas in the car. And I rolled my eyes to myself and said, probably outloud, but I don't really listen to me so I can't say for sure, "Lord, can't there be just one day when I don't spend any f'ing money??!" (The Lord likes it when I abbreviate the swear words I think. Baby steps.)

And shazzam! the answer came: Yep.

There could be a day when I don't spend any money.  It could be Tuesdays. Or SJ's first day off. Or the 21st of every month. The quarter moons.... whatever.  We could decide that there are days when we don't spend money. At all.  A money sabbath.

Now I have actually looked up the word "sabbath" to make sure that I'm not getting this altogether wrong, and I think I'm right enough that it will do.  In my mind, sabbath means "a rest".  The Jewish people were instructed in the Ten Commandments to "Remember the Sabbath day and keep it holy".  I think this meant that there was one day a week where all work was to cease, and instead the community would set it aside to pay extra attention to the things and person of God.

For those of us with faith, in creating a Sabbath where we remember not to spend, we would probably find ourselves able to think a bit more on The Provider and Creator of All Things.  We might trip across some fairly wonderful Trues about where our help comes from, and where our hope lies.  We might find ourselves, in the decision to not provide our own needs for twenty-four hours, better able to meet the Giver of Life. I'd be into that.

For those of us low on faith, or maybe straight up distrustful of all things faithy, the principle remains (and of course for the faith-y people too): going a day without whatever it is we might find ourselves needing gives us an opportunity to feel need in a way we rarely do, but that so much of the world does. It would create a moment of solidarity with the many on this planet who don't spend money that day, not out of choice or conviction or lack of want, but out of necessity and in despair.

And so, this week, SJ and I are going to figure out a schedule of days on which we will take a Sabbath from spending. We'll have to check the gas tank the day before, and make sure there is wine in the cupboard (the last is optional, but you know, pleasant) and then we'll try being on purpose in the non-spending of money and see where we end up.  Could be good.

Occupy Me.

IDEA #12 Response:
What do you think would happen if you didn't spend money one day a week?  Do you ever have days when you really, truly can't spend money? Do you know someone who does? I don't know if I do...

Idea #1: Shop More Wisely, Redux

I'm not going to lie. I don't know exactly what "redux" means, but I just kind of like the effect.

So, I'm kind of interested to find out what I'm thinking about all these ideas a few weeks later (yes, I do have to read my own blog to find out what I think - I'm that much of a mystery to myself).  Each seemed so crucial and vital when they were first written.  Life has intervened, some have worked out, others have not or at least not in the way I had imagined.  Others probably just need more time.

That first idea was inspired by the accompanying image and was reinforced knowing so many people who have created work and meaning in their lives by building a business.  I think it is right and good to support those people and I also think that it is probably a decent way of redistributing wealth more equitably, at least at the service/retail sector level.  Big box stores do hire more people, and some even pay more as a wage, but the "owner" is actually a corporation so the profits are leaving my community and if they're a multi-armed entity, the profits may actually be re-invested into businesses and practices that I actually don't want to be supporting.  When I support a local, independent business I can be fairly certain that the profits are being returned to at the very least a neighbour, and hopefully at least being re-invested into their children or house or whatever.

A friend emailed this week pointing out that if you don't live in an urban setting where the goods and services you need are available, the costs to the environment and your own opportunity cost may be so high that it is actually more beneficial to centralize your shopping in one spot even if that spot isn't home to independent businesses.  I'm not sure (or willing to do the research to become sure) how one figures all that out but it is worthy of investigation if anyone is interested.

For us, most of our daily needs can be met locally.  The grocery situation has not changed much: Thrifty's weekly, Costco monthly and Apple Market (local, walkable - independently owned? I'm not sure. Buddhakind, do you know?) every 10 days or so.  It turns out that Costco isn't a terrible choice on the wage/employee decency scale and is at least better than the alternatives (namely Superstore and Walmart in my 'hood).  Thrifty's is a mixed bag. Excellent experience for me as a shopper and employees seem happy but I haven't had the nerve to ask yet if it's really okay.  Their rate my employer page is full of rants (as they are wont to be), but their "I work at Thrifty's" facebook page is more positive. No getting around having to ask I guess.

We did end up choosing local and independent for our tires.  SJ had a conversation with a co-worker who moonlights in construction about why they both thought it was important to shop up here and it really helped solidify our decision.  We also chose locally-sourced windows for our small renovation on that same principle.  It's expensive though ($400+ for the tires, I don't know what on the windows) and a choice that only those of us with relatively flexible discretionary income can manage. All the more reason to keep choosing that when we can I think, but some days it hurts.  A lot.

Christmas shopping is going to be a trick. In particular, I'm flummoxed by socks and underwear. There is no local purveyor of said items that I can think of, and the local-ish options are all big box corporate folks. I think this will be a matter of choosing the lesser of several evils - I'm definitely looking for input on this one, so comment away with ideas and suggestions.

Does anyone else have any experiences or thoughts about trying to move to more local shopping?

Oh, and finally, just because I know awesome people who are independent business owners, shop this way this week, k?

An Observation (iv)

I've been waiting for a new really great idea.

I got nothin'.

Well, I've got a couple, but they're ideas that I won't be following through on (ask me about Occupied Investing and Creating Affordable Housing if you've got some coin kicking around...) and I don't feel comfortable suggesting an action that isn't one I'm prepared to try myself.  But if circumstances change, be sure to watch for more ideas.  And of course, if you have an idea you'd like to suggest for exploration, I'm game.

In the meantime, a few thoughts.

First, I had a really happy-making conversation with a nice friend who also sometimes reads this blog.  It was happy-making because she kept saying things that were just nice about all my crazy and that made me think she probably does really, actually read my crazy.  And sometimes even think her own thinking about the crazy and that's just heartening to a person writing their crazy all over the internet.

One thing that's disheartening though, is when that friend says more than once, "But I feel so bad" or "I'm just spoiled" or any other version of What You Write Makes Me Think Less of Myself. 

It's disheartening because I'm a bit... umm, hopeful? optimistic? deluded? and kind of hoped that the crazy was going to be of the more Inspiring, I Can Do That! variety. I had kind of imagined that it would be so possible sounding, these little changes, that everyone would do it and jump onboard and suddenly we'd be living in a cash-paid-for utopia where everyone shops down the street and is paid well and has Resistance Granola for breakfast.

Alas, 'tis unlikely.  And while I have of course, reveled in despair a time or two, I mostly am at rest with the futility of it all.  (Insert sermon here about the kingdom on earth as it in heaven, a rest in The Promise, and an abiding faith that All Will Be Well.) Because while the world is not greatly changed, I am a tiny bit changed. And a tiny bit of change in me is miracle enough. If my friend and her family try using cash for a month or two and find themselves a tiny bit changed, then praise be! If another friend trips across their own tiny change, then praise be twice! And so on and so on and so on... A few tiny changes are about as much as a person like me can ask for. 

And so, in case you're a friend who considers self-flagellation in lieu of celebration, please, please, in the name of all that is holy, quit it. Choose your tiny change, from my list or from your own, but choose it, pursue and then celebrate whatever success you enjoy.  And then maybe pass it on.  Please?

In the meantime, I'll be going back to the list of eleven ideas to date, and writing a bit about how they've worked out and whatever other insights seem includable. I'll look forward to hearing from a few of you about your own experiences of trying on tiny change.  As long as they're of the celebratory variety. Got that fridge lady?